Every word, Forever and Ever
by musing11
Summary: Kate finally does the right thing for herself and her daughter. Mild Skate reference. AUOneshot


A/N: This little fic is inspired by Kate's little speech about how because of Wayne, she could never be good. I think her idea of this is very relevant to her character and so I wanted to elaborate on it.The idea for this sort of came to me in a flash, and so I wrote it, in a flash. Which means if I didn't catch any grammatical errors please don't kill me. If you really want to help, you could mention them in a review...

One other thing. This little one-shot is very light on narration, focusing much more on dialogue. I did that purposefully and I kind of like the feel that it gives to the writing.

"So this is goodbye then, is it?" Her daughter looked up at her, quietly, sadly.

"Yes, this is goodbye."

"Why are you leaving me, mommy? I don't understand." She was wide eyed, the large hazel orbs slowly filling with tears.

"I'm not leaving you. In a sense you're leaving me." The little moved to protest but her mother shushed her and continued. "I want you to stay here. These are good, strong, kind people. They're gonna take good care of you, bring your up to be a beautiful, smart, good girl."

"But mommy, I don't understand. You can do all of that, all of that and more. And besides, I don't ever want to not see you around, not –".

"Don't say it baby girl. Don't finish it. I need to you to understand something….I'm not a good person. I want so badly to your mother, to raise you and stay with you, but I love you too much for that. I'm not fit to be your mommy. Now that doesn't mean that you aren't a good person; you have too much of your father in you for that – " She paused, collecting herself, brushing away thought of James, dear James, dead on the floor, seconds after she shot him, point blank. He had always thought he was the bad one. Well, now they both knew better. She wasn't going to make the same mistake with his daughter; she would stay as far away as possible. "I can't be your mommy. And the thing is that I love you so much that I know that. I want you to grow up safe, away from me, so that you can never become me. I want all this so badly because I love you. You hear me?" She stopped, picking up her seven year old in her arms and squeezing her tight.

"I love you so much, baby-girl. I want you to remember that…Forever and ever, okay?"

"Okay mommy. Of course you love me, and I love you…forever and ever." Her daughter was crying now, the tears streaming down her face. She understood exactly what was happening, poor kid was too smart for her own good. Another trait she had gotten from her father.

"Remember baby-girl, just because you a got a little bit of me in you, doesn't mean you ain't all good inside." She grimaced, just a little, at that. Her speaking patterns had changed ever so slightly from being on the run with James for three years. His accent was infectious.  
She missed him right them, missed his arms around her, how he made her feel like she could stop running, just for a minute and that nothing would go wrong. But shit had gone wrong, and that's why he was six feet under, dead from a bullet she put in his chest, and she was preparing to run again. And dumping the only thing that still mattered to her into a better life.

She was almost ready to go, both she and Mary knew it… but one last thing remained.

"Baby girl, I want you to promise me two things okay? First, you ain't never gonna become like me. Never ever. You live a good life, be a good girl and do something good for the world. Okay?" The little girl nodded slowly.

"My second promise is a little more selfish. I want you to promise me that the day you learn to write, I don't even care if you can't spell all that well, I want you to write down you life. Everything that happens to you. Everything you feel, everything that you know, everything you do. I want you to record it all in a notebook. And at the end of every year I want you to mail that book to this address," she stopped, handing her daughter a small sheet of paper. "Don't bother look for me with that at address, you won't find me. And don't write _for_ me or _to_ me. Just write."

"I want to know that when I'm old and dying…well, that I'll know that I've created something good in the world, through you. And I want to feel like you taught me something, that I knew you, even though I never really will. I want to feel like your mother from a hundred miles away."

"Of Course mommy, I'll write it all, every word. I want you to stay though, mommy – " the mother sighed, sad but resigned to the fact that her daughter didn't get why she was leaving. " – But I understand. I don't know why you could ever think that, and think that you are bad or something but I understand and I love you enough that it's okay."

Her mother smiled gratefully down at her. Who could have ever thought it, her and James' kid being so good. She could see him in Mary's eyes, if she caught her just at the right moment. He was looking out at her, with his cheeky grin and his dimples. God, she missed him so much. But here was a way for her to set part of it right…She would give his daughter a chance to be what he should have been.

"Promise me, every word, forever and ever."

"Every word, forever and ever, I promise."

"I had better go now baby-girl. Please try and remember how much I love you." The child ran towards her mother, grabbing her around the waist in a bear hug. Smiling sadly to herself, she picked up her daughter, hugged and kissed her for the last time and then placed her back on her feet. She checked to make sure the girl still had the white slip of paper in her hand and then whispered her last 'goodbye'.

Turning her back on the girl, Kate walked towards her car, her stolen car, eyes unblinking as she let a single, glistening tear drip down her face. Although she was crying she felt she was smiling on the inside. She would be a good kid and she would be fine with Jack and Juliet. They could take care of Mary far better then she ever could. Unlocking the car door, a smile finally broke onto her face as she gazed over the hazy streets of Boston.

The circle had finally been broken, even with Wayne for a father…she had still brought something good into the world.

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